Horror Handover – Jake Bannerman Guest Post

I am exceptionally lucky to have had a wonderful guest post written by author Jake Bannerman.  After reading his book The Pitchfork Diaries I was left horrified, entertained and with questions about who was behind this work, so before we hit the guest post, here’s a little information about him and The Pitchfork Diaries:

The Pitchfork Diaries is a collection of short stories and prose unlike anything you have ever read before. Even the darkest and most violent imaginings of your mind cannot come close to matching the horrors contained within.

J.S. Bannerman, a new name in the horror genre, has skillfully woven a collection of tales that will inescapably work their way into your psyche, take up residence and relentlessly haunt you. Prepare yourself to be confronted by words that will threaten to shake the foundation of everything you thought you knew; no truth is too uncomfortable, no thought too gruesome to share.

All are invited to read The Pitchfork Diaries. Many will never be the same.

With that said, the best way to get information about someone is to go right to the source, so with no further ado, here is ‘Slicing Through the Walls of the Dead’:

Slicing Through Walls of the Dead

By Jake Bannerman 9-15-11

So often it’s called the herd mentality, and you have to ask yourself – if everyone at the restaurant is ordering the steak, well, should I order the steak too? Obviously it is good, or the entire room would not be shoveling steak down their throats.

Human nature is a poorly chosen phrase, for it ought to be called ‘humanity’s chance to not have to make a decision’. It’s easy to follow the pack, is it not? I mean, I think we can all agree that Britney Spears dancing in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit would give even a corpse a hard-on and that Beyonce has a rad ass! Why not – it feels good, it looks good, and everyone is doing it, so I think that I will do it too. We all want the cheese at the end of the maze!

Unfortunately and more importantly, mass decisions and the herd mentality are a major fucking disaster!

Pick an example – governments, religion, NASA, the United Nations, the Culture Club. All huge disasters! The Million Man March, the Manson Family, the Waco mess, and to top it off, tofu tacos!

When minds follow instead of lead, we end up with worthless, rehashed shit!

Now consider the positive outcomes of thinking outside of the box great examples

1. Blow Jobs! Someone had to say ‘hey, let’s put this in there and see how it feels!’

2. Hot Dogs and Chili – are you fucking kidding me, put some chili on that dog?! But the individual who figured this one out is right up there with the blow job creator in my book!

3. G strings! Who would have thought it? How can we put a string to good use…Brilliant!

4. Eggs; yes, the good ole egg. But think about it, someone must once have said ‘Hey, let’s try and eat what came out of that chicken’s ass!’

5. And lastly, writing! If you read my writing you will see that following the herd is most definitely not my game. I want to bomb the herd, shock the herd and stick a razor blade up the herd’s ass.

Listen to me. The herd/flock/cool people group is all well and good, but it is also boring, non-productive and it produces sloppy, ineffective results in most cases!

Do not listen to the voices of the dead. History is a perfect example of why it should be ignored; I mean, do you really want to go through the Dark Ages again? Do not learn from history, but make history instead! I promise you, it cannot happen if you simply follow in the path of the dead. Lead the living!

Stand up, scream as loud as you can and shake the foundation of the herd. Eat something from an animal’s ass, stick it in new holes and do dirty things with clothes! You have the power to show the world something new by Slicing Through the Walls of The Dead!

The Pitchfork Diaries is available now from Amazon and Smashwords and in case you need convincing, here is an excerpt from just one of the short stories:

EXCERPT – To Walk the Path of Maggots

The heat of the scorching summer sun only contributed to the pain that the woman felt as her flesh was ripped from the fangs of the leeches clinging with such tenacity to the inside her thigh. The ice-cold water of the natural spring had been so appealing, but unfortunately for the woman and her playmates, the advertisement they had seen for the leech-infested waters in which they innocently swam had been far from accurate.

As they laid on the shore frantically removing the leeches from the gashed skin of their tanned, bikini-clad bodies, the black and slimy predators hung on with all the might of an infallible warrior; the loud screams and squeals of pain they were making doing nothing to hinder the efforts of the leeches to cling to the skin and suck the lifeblood from the beautiful bodies they had found.

Many thanks to Jake Bannerman and The Goat Franchise Team for all their help with this post.